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Digital Seminar

Healing from Affairs: Moving Past the Trauma of Betrayal and Infidelity

Tammy Nelson, PhD
6 Hours 17 Minutes
Audio and Video
Apr 19, 2023
Product Code:
Media Type:
Digital Seminar
Never expires.


In this cutting-edge training, we will discuss the varieties of affairs and the many ways that relationships can heal from the betrayal that affects intimacy. We will review the stages of recovery that lead to long term healing. Issues around trust, forgiveness, new visions of monogamy, sexuality and connection for the future of the couple’s relationship will be addressed. The recording will include videos and case examples to illustrate how breaches of monogamy can affect potential ongoing connection.

We will look at integrity, narcissism, second adolescence, parallel love relationships, online affairs, pornography, sex addiction and emotional infidelity and their effect on sexuality, intimacy and emotional connection and how therapists can help restart communication. We will review three phases of treatment and the steps of the recovery process.

It is crucial to understand the triangulation that can occur when therapists do not explore their own bias and countertransference and we will look at how to avoid unintentional shaming and client retaliation. We will look at the power of the third in the relationship, including the therapeutic as well as the romantic. This recording will delve into the meaning of each type of affair and participants will learn interventions to help repair, restructure and redefine the future and help clients create a new monogamy for a stronger more insightful and connected partnership.

This recording will move beyond a victim, perpetrator and rescuer model of therapy and will create sustainable monogamy agreements where transparency and authenticity promote resiliency.


Planning Committee Disclosure - Relevant relationships


Mike Studer receives a speaking honorarium from SMARTFit. His relevant financial relationship with an ineligible company has been mitigated.

Katie Hootman receives a consulting fee from Faeth Therapeutics.  Her relevant financial relationship with an ineligible company has been mitigated.


Susann Varano receives a speaking fee from Urovant. Her relevant financial relationship with an ineligible company has been mitigated.


All other members of the PESI, Inc. planning committee have provided disclosures of financial relationships with ineligible organizations and any relevant non-financial relationships prior to planning content for this activity. None of the remaining committee members had relevant financial relationships with ineligible companies or other potentially biasing relationships to disclose to learners.  For speaker disclosures, please see the faculty biography.


PESI Australia, in collaboration with PESI in the USA, offers quality online continuing professional development events from the leaders in the field at a standard recognized by professional associations including psychology, social work, occupational therapy, alcohol and drug professionals, counselling and psychotherapy. On completion of the training, a Professional Development Certificate is issued after the individual has answered and submitted a quiz and course evaluation. This program is worth 6 hours CPD for points calculation by your association.



Tammy Nelson, PhD's Profile

Tammy Nelson, PhD Related seminars and products

Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., is an internationally acclaimed psychotherapist, Board Certified Sexologist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Certified Imago Relationship Therapist. She has been a therapist for almost 30 years and is the executive director of the Integrative Sex Therapy Institute. She started the institute to develop courses for psychotherapists as the need grew for certified, integrated postgraduate sex and couple’s therapists in a growing field of mental health consumers who need more complex interventions for their relationship needs.

Dr. Tammy is a TEDx speaker, Psychotherapy Networker Symposium speaker and the author of several books, including Getting the Sex You Want: Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together (Quiver, 2008) and the best-selling The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity (New Harbinger, 2013), as well as When You’re the One Who Cheats: Ten Things You Need to Know (RL Publishing Corp., 2019) and the upcoming Integrative Sex and Couples Therapy (PESI, 2020).

She has been a featured expert in New York Times Magazine, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, CNN, Rolling Stone magazine, TIME Magazine, Redbook, Glamour, The Sun, and The London Times. She is the host of a popular podcast on iTunes, “The Trouble with Sex”, and writes for the Huffington Post, YourTango, ThriveGlobal, and Dr. Tammy can be followed on her blog,


Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Dr. Tammy Nelson maintains a private practice and is executive director and primary faculty at Integrated Sex Therapy Training Institute (ISTI) and has an employment relationship with Daybreak University. She receives a speaking honorarium and recording royalties from PESI, Inc., and she additionally receives royalties from New Harbinger and Sounds True. She is a paid consultant for Evergreen Certifications. Dr. Nelson has no relevant financial relationships with ineligible organizations.
Non-financial: Dr. Tammy Nelson serves on the board of advisors for the World Association of Sex Coaches. She is a member of the American Art Therapy Association, American Association of Sex Educators, Sex Counselors, and Sex Therapists (AASECT), American Comprehensive Energy Psychology Association (ACEP), American Counseling Association, American Family Therapy Academy, American Family Therapy Association (AFTA), American Psychological, Association (APA), Big Tent Ketamine group (BTK), Connecticut Counselors, Imago Relationships International Association of Professional and Certified Therapists, International Board of Sexologists, International Institute for Sexuality and Human Development, Nonfiction Authors Association, Society Scientific Study Sexuality (SSSS), and the Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR).

Webcast Schedule

Please note: There will be a lunch and two 15-minute breaks; one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Lunch and break times will be announced by the speaker and at their discretion.

Target Audience

  • Addiction Counselors
  • Counselors
  • Marriage and Family Therapists
  • Nurses
  • Physicians
  • Psychologists
  • Social Workers


  1. Catalogue infidelity using the three-part definition and how partners are affected in a marriage or committed partnership.
  2. Determine the betrayal trauma effects on relationships and how collusion and bias play a part in the secondary gain of the role of the third in infidelity.
  3. Analyze why the current therapy isn’t working and why some systems of recovery from affairs can retraumatize clients.
  4. Distinguish the three phases of treatment after an affair and determine how they can improve treatment outcomes.
  5. Distinguish the difference between implicit and explicit monogamy and create new monogamy agreements.
  6. Construct a revised formula for treatment plans after infidelity breaches, to include long term sustainable monogamy.


Affair recovery in Integrative Relationship Therapy
  • Why do people cheat?
  • The types of Affairs that present in treatment
  • What is Infidelity?
  • Three Parts of an affair
  • Countertransference
  • Role of the third in treatment
  • Avoiding re-traumatization in therapy
  • What is betrayal trauma
  • What is collusion and bias and secondary gain
  • Individual integrative therapy
Three stages of Affair recovery treatment
  • Crisis/realization
  • Insight/reevaluate
  • Vision/renegotiate
  • What is erotic recovery
  • Pleasure heals trauma
  • Treating the cheating partner
  • Video: case
  • Erotic shutdown
  • What is second adolescence?
  • Coping with reactivity
  • Lean in lean out – the dilemma of ending an affair
Creating long term sustainable relationship agreements
  • Trust, safety and the trap of forgiveness
  • Implicit vs explicit monogamy
  • Decrease rumination/blame/projection
  • Micro and Macro behaviors in treatment
  • Video: case
Handing Dishonesty

Vulnerable cycle

Long Term Monogamy Plan

Future Treatment Recommendations

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