Dr John Gottman describes a foundationally secure partnership like a house: It has weight-bearing walls and levels that each person builds on to create a sturdy bond.
He calls this structure the Sound Relationship House (SRH), and for more than 20 years, it’s given countless couples the tools they need to have happy, healthy relationships.
To be successful, couples (and therapists) must understand the three relationship systems:- Friendship & Intimacy
- Conflict Management
- Shared Meaning
…as well as what reinforces trust and commitment.
Now, in this FREE 1-hour training, Certified Gottman Couples Therapist Elizabeth (Liz) Neal reveals how the Sound Relationship House offers the crucial underpinning from which to work. Key take-aways include:- There are reliable patterns of interaction that exist for all couples
- We can measure and observe these patterns
- We can describe these patterns
- There are interventions to transform negative patterns into positive, fulfilling patterns of interaction
By the end of this training, you’ll better understand intimate relationships in terms of the 3 relationship systems...
And you’ll know how to describe the difference between happy and unhappy couples in terms of how conflict is managed, what occurs in terms of connection, and how they build a life with a sense of meaning and purpose.
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FREE TRAINING
EVENT
How to use Gottman’s
'Sound Relationship House'
to Secure Enduring Relationships
to Secure Enduring Relationships
Presented by Elizabeth (Liz) Neal, Registered
Psychologist (MAAPi)
27 February 2023 5:30pm to 6:30pm AEDT
Can't attend live? Register anyway for
14-day free access to the training!
*CPD hours are
available for an additional cost. Register for more information.
What you will discover in this training
Trust and Commitment
Trust is a state that occurs when a person knows that his or her partner puts their own interests and benefits secondary to the partners own interests and benefits. This translates to the couple feeling “My partner has my back and is there for me”.
Trust is a state that occurs when a person knows that his or her partner puts their own interests and benefits secondary to the partners own interests and benefits. This translates to the couple feeling “My partner has my back and is there for me”.
Build Love Maps
Love Maps refer to the partners’ knowledge and interest in each other’s internal world of thoughts, hopes, ideas, and feelings.
Knowing the partners likes and dislikes, aspirations, hopes, dreams, creates a sense of connection and of being known. Having this map is the most basic level of friendship, but when this level is not working well, partners feel distant, uncared for and the emotional distance creates feelings of alienation.
Love Maps refer to the partners’ knowledge and interest in each other’s internal world of thoughts, hopes, ideas, and feelings.
Knowing the partners likes and dislikes, aspirations, hopes, dreams, creates a sense of connection and of being known. Having this map is the most basic level of friendship, but when this level is not working well, partners feel distant, uncared for and the emotional distance creates feelings of alienation.
Share Fondness and
Admiration
This level describes partners’ ability to notice and express what they appreciate about each other, building affection and respect for one another.
Contempt is the antithesis of respect, and when partners feel attacked or criticized, they are not likely to feel loved.
This level describes partners’ ability to notice and express what they appreciate about each other, building affection and respect for one another.
Contempt is the antithesis of respect, and when partners feel attacked or criticized, they are not likely to feel loved.
Turn Toward Instead of
Away
This is the smallest measurable unit of intimacy, reflected in how partners attempt to reach out or connect with each other. These attempts, referred to as bids, are opportunities for connection. When the other partner turns toward the bid it adds to the emotional bank account.
When bids are made and either not responded to, or responded to negatively, it takes “money” out of the emotional bank account. In the latter case, partners are more likely to stop making bids.
This is the smallest measurable unit of intimacy, reflected in how partners attempt to reach out or connect with each other. These attempts, referred to as bids, are opportunities for connection. When the other partner turns toward the bid it adds to the emotional bank account.
When bids are made and either not responded to, or responded to negatively, it takes “money” out of the emotional bank account. In the latter case, partners are more likely to stop making bids.
The Positive
Perspective
When the first three levels of the Sound Relationship House are working well, couples will be in Positive Perspective. Partners can let things go more easily and not take things personally. There is more humour and affection, and less reactivity.
When one or more levels of the system are not healthy, the couple will most likely be in Negative Perspective, where perceptions are coloured by negative thoughts and feelings.
Neutral and even positive interactions will still be perceived as negative, and partners will be hypervigilant for negativity. Negative Perspective can be reversed by strengthening the first three levels of the SRH.
When the first three levels of the Sound Relationship House are working well, couples will be in Positive Perspective. Partners can let things go more easily and not take things personally. There is more humour and affection, and less reactivity.
When one or more levels of the system are not healthy, the couple will most likely be in Negative Perspective, where perceptions are coloured by negative thoughts and feelings.
Neutral and even positive interactions will still be perceived as negative, and partners will be hypervigilant for negativity. Negative Perspective can be reversed by strengthening the first three levels of the SRH.
Manage
Conflict
The term “manage conflict” versus “resolve conflict” is used to normalize conflict as a natural and positive aspect of healthy relationships.
The Masters of relationships manage conflict with the 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. They are gentle toward one another, they avoid blame, they accept influence, they are calmer, they repair and de-escalate, and they are able to offer compromise.
The term “manage conflict” versus “resolve conflict” is used to normalize conflict as a natural and positive aspect of healthy relationships.
The Masters of relationships manage conflict with the 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. They are gentle toward one another, they avoid blame, they accept influence, they are calmer, they repair and de-escalate, and they are able to offer compromise.
Making Life Dreams Come
True
A level of building Love Maps, partners inquire and can talk honestly about their dreams, values, hopes, convictions, and aspirations. They feel that the relationship supports those life dreams.
A level of building Love Maps, partners inquire and can talk honestly about their dreams, values, hopes, convictions, and aspirations. They feel that the relationship supports those life dreams.
Create Shared
Meaning
This level refers to another existential perspective, one that involves shared meaning and purpose. Couples define roles, goals, and values that are meaningful.
We return once again to building Love Maps, at that deeper level. It is about building a life together, creating formal and informal rituals that bring integration and connection.
This level refers to another existential perspective, one that involves shared meaning and purpose. Couples define roles, goals, and values that are meaningful.
We return once again to building Love Maps, at that deeper level. It is about building a life together, creating formal and informal rituals that bring integration and connection.
Questions & Answers with Liz
Join a small group of your colleagues to ask Liz your specific clinical questions and get her expert insight into working with today's relationship challenges.
Join a small group of your colleagues to ask Liz your specific clinical questions and get her expert insight into working with today's relationship challenges.
FREE TRAINING
EVENT
How to use Gottman’s
'Sound Relationship House'
to Secure Enduring Relationships
to Secure Enduring Relationships
Presented by Elizabeth (Liz) Neal, Registered
Psychologist (MAAPi)
27 February 2023 5:30pm to 6:30pm AEDT
Can't attend live? Register anyway for
14-day free access to the training!
*CPD hours are
available for an additional cost. Register for more information.
Learning
Objectives
- Learn why the Sound Relationship House is so important for couples
- Understand each unique element of the model
- Know how to easily access and use the house to improve your work (and your own relationship!)
Meet Your Expert:
Liz Neal, is a psychologist with a
special interest in couples therapy,
relational issues, and contemporary attachment theory. She is a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist
and is actively engaged with the Gottman Institute community both in Australia and abroad. Liz is
recently trained in the Dynamic Model of Maturation and Attachment for certification as a coder of
the Adult Attachment Interview. In practice, Liz integrates Gottman Method Couples Therapy with
contemporary attachment theory with a direct focus on reflective integration. Liz works in private
practice in Gladesville and runs a peer-supervision group for Gottman trained therapists.
Click here for information about Elizabeth (Liz) Neal.
Click here for information about Elizabeth (Liz) Neal.
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FREE TRAINING
EVENT
How to use Gottman’s
'Sound Relationship House'
to Secure Enduring Relationships
to Secure Enduring Relationships
Presented by Elizabeth (Liz) Neal, Registered
Psychologist (MAAPi)
27 February 2023 5:30pm to 6:30pm AEDT
Can't attend live? Register anyway for
14-day free access to the training!
*CPD hours are
available for an additional cost. Register for more information.